Ugly Betty (S02E18) “Jump”

Grade: B+

I was anticipating the season finale of Ugly Betty tonight much more than the 2-hour Greys event, yet somehow I managed to miss the first 10 minutes. Did Lindsay Lohan appear in that time because I didn’t see her freckly face pop up during the rest of the show (which isn’t a bad thing). There was more than enough going on in Ugly Betty’s last hour of the season, including illegitimate children, high-fashion softball, family power struggles, and a healthy does of Betty-Henry-Gio (“Benrio”?) love-triangle angst.

Betty is faced with two proposals. The first one is from Gio. While teaching her how to handle his balls for the upcoming Mode/Elle softball showdown, he asks Betty to go on one hell of a first date to Rome with him. She sort of freaks out then eventually says yes, and right when she makes up her mind Henry shows up at her doorstep with another kind of proposal. He wants her to marry him, move to Tucson and get a quaint little newspaper job writing about cacti and rodeos. She freaks out again, except even more so because now she’s got two guys and one hefty decision to make. My thoughts: the decision is easy. Henry wants you to leave everything you love and live in some adobe home and help raise a child that’s not yours while Gio wants to take you to see the world in a whirlwind postcard of a trip. However, I don’t love Henry or Gio, so I guess Betty’s decision is harder to come by than mine.

Daniel is also faced with a decision when an eyeliner wearing French boy shows up at Mode claiming to be his son from a recently deceased hand model. Daniel’s first thought is that it’s a plan hatched from Wilhelmina’s nasty, cockroach-infested mind, but his confrontation with her reveals she’s not behind it after all. However, she decides to hijack the situation and use it to her advantage and leaks information about Daniel Jr. to the press. When hotshot personalities begin dropping out of the softball event because of how Daniel supposedly ditched his kid, Alexis steps in and informs Daniel that he’s going to be going on a forced leave of absence. We saw Alexis side with Willy last episode and her loyalties here clearly lie more with the success of the company than the well-being of her family, and she comes across as a pretty heartless bastard/bitch. Overall I’m not too fond of the illegitimate son storyline, not because it’s over the top (Betty does that every week), but because it’s just sort of stale and random. I hope they phase it out quick or introduce some wacky twist next season.

Daniel mans up and realizes the kid may actually be his and he tries to reach out him. He discovers they may not speak the same language, but they both speak a more universal language with their love for hot women (Megan Fox? I have something in common with them as well!). He takes Daniel Jr. to the big game, arriving in high-spirits that are doused quickly by another big fat knife in his back, compliments of sister dearest. She’s changed her mind about the leave of absence and just removed him as editor-in-chief altogether. Hmn, I wonder who the position went to? The devil incarnate, with a dastardly good taste in fashion, Wilhelmina Slater finally has what she’s been scheming after since day 1. The only thing more sad than the look on Daniel’s face after this betrayal was the look on their mom’s. Alexis, you’re making me almost OK with the fact you’re being demoted to “recurring” status next season.

Hilda gets perversely inspired by Betty’s dilemma and decides she wants to seize her chance at love. She calls up Buns-of-Steele gym teacher and goes on a date, which seems to be going well until he vomits up the information that he’s already in a relationship. Yeah, you know, he’s married or something like that. No big deal. Hilda, you totally overreacted when you slammed the car door in his face and ran off. Apparently she realizes his “marriage” isn’t so big of a deal after all (she must have REALLY like that necklace he gave her) and finds him playing basketball shirtless. She spends about five minutes staring at his muscly chest and maybe two seconds at his face before putting her tongue down his throat. The moral of this story? Hot bodies make make home wrecking easy!

Back to the softball showdown. Amanda is cheer leading and, well, so is Marc, who somehow looks prettier than all the girls on the squad. Betty is trying to take her mind off the decision when she sees Gio…and Henry…and Naomi Campbell…oh my. I thought Naomi’s self-mocking role was pretty funny, especially when she whipped out her cell phone and the everyone around her ducked for cover. Angry Naomi hits the ball hard and high and Betty, Henry, and Gio all go to catch it and collide, and Betty wakes up in a bed with Henry in Tucson. She’s happy and smiling and blah blah blah until she walks through the bedroom door and into a swank hotel room with a breathtaking view of Rome’s cityscape and Gio sitting in a chair, waiting for her. Henry comes running in and both guys start yelling at her to choose, so Betty uses her dream logic and decides to jump off the balcony and wakes up laid flat on the softball field.

Cue montage. Daniel’s clearing out his desk, Hilda’s macking on the coach, and Betty is packing a suitcase. A suitcase to where? To a life in Tucson with Henry or to a romantic getaway to Rome with Gio? She steps outside and up in the sky a plan soars to a destination unknown.

So Betty’s Leavin’ on a jet plane, but to where?

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